


in another life

by bulletthestars



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-16
Updated: 2014-02-16
Packaged: 2018-01-12 16:51:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1192608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bulletthestars/pseuds/bulletthestars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In one world, they're together. They don't meet in another.</p>
            </blockquote>





	in another life

**Author's Note:**

  * For [zeraparker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zeraparker/gifts).



In another world, Jenson leaves and Nico's left to pick up the pieces. He doesn't know how to carry on, now that Jenson has just walked out, after everything. They had had stupid fights, quarrelling about stupid things, Nico had hated how Jenson came home late and how he'd put his hand on someone else's for too long. Jenson hated how Nico always had a smile to offer someone, and how people never knew that that smile wasn't an invitation for something more, but Nico had never known how to push people away.

On hindsight, Nico knows that it was stupid, it had been stupid, and now that it's all over Nico supposes that he should've known better, they should've tried to work it out. But now that it's five years on and Jenson's probably halfway across the world in some unknown place living his life to the fullest, Nico knows that it's time to live and let die, and he throws out the last of pair of mugs he used to share with Jenson.

But fate is a funny thing, and fast forward two years, Nico gets invited to Jenson's wedding. He attends, telling himself that he's going to see someone who had, once upon a time, been his best friend. He tells himself that he's gotten over it, he'd carefully pieced his heart together and now it's time for him to see this, to get closure.

It doesn't stop him from running to the toilet afterwards, slamming the door shut behind him. The tears don't fall, his tears for Jenson had run dry a long time ago, but seeing Jenson smiling like this, so happily, just like how he did in the old days makes Nico's heart feel like it's coming apart at its seams.

 

In this world, Nico plays the guitar, he's got marks all over his fingertips from pressing down hard on the strings. Jenson plays the bass, and on good days, when their vocalist isn't screaming her lungs out at their drummer, they play gigs. Nico leans close to Jenson as he plays, and Jenson looks at him, holding his gaze as his fingers move across the fretboard of his guitar for his bass solo.

They've got an easy sort of chemistry, and Nico likes it when Jenson puts an arm around his shoulder, likes it when Jenson pulls him closer, likes the silence that settles around them, as Nico leans back into Jenson's warmth.

Jenson writes the lyrics, he writes about letting go and falling flat on his face, so drunk that he doesn't remember anything. He writes about fingers curling together and lips barely touching and sometimes, he sings instead, when their vocalist decides that she's breaking up with their drummer. He sings about lost causes and stupid decisions, and about drawing closer, but not too close because he's afraid. At the end of it all he looks at Nico, he _always_ looks at Nico, eyes wide and filled with longing. Nico swallows hard, because he knows what Jenson wants, knows that he wants it too, but he doesn't know if he can take what Jenson has to offer. So he plays on, tells himself that it's okay, and a few years down the road, when they (finally) disband, Nico tells himself he regretted nothing.

 

Jenson and Nico meet in shady motel rooms and abandoned car parks and they make love in the backseat of Nico's car, because Jenson's got to drive to the airport to pick his wife up later on. In this world they're lovers, and Nico knows that they can't be anything more, all he'd be is Jenson's midnight call on a weekday night. The most romantic thing they'll ever have is a quick fuck in a fancy hotel room during Jenson's business trips abroad, when his wife is off for some spa treatment that'll last for the whole afternoon. They have breakfast at two in the morning eating pizza at a dingy restaurant that doesn't close till four, and their one year anniversary is spent sitting in Jenson's car, drinking cheap wine until they both pass out.

It's an arrangement that works out for both of them though. In the end, even if all Nico will ever have is a cold and empty bed, he's still got the money that Jenson sets aside for him. Even if his job doesn't work out, there's still Jenson, and despite how he knows he hadn't gotten with Jenson just for his money, he knows that Jenson is a Plan B in his life equation, he'd get him a job with his company, he'd make things work out for him even if that's the last thing Nico wants.

Nico looks up at Jenson, with his greying hair and tired eyes, and Jenson cups his neck, rubbing circles into Nico's skin. This is four years down the road, and Nico wonders how long they can last, like this.

 

In some worlds, Nico looks up at the moon, wishing for someone to talk to, for someone to hold. Jenson looks up at the moon too, hurrying down the streets on his way home. One day over is one day less to live, and there's not much for him to look forward to.

They see the same skies, they see the same moon, but they don't see one another.

 

In another life, Nico's heart beats faster when he sees Jenson, he longs to be closer. He looks from behind his worksheets, his cheeks flush when Jenson calls him in class. His name sounds like it belongs on Jenson's lips, it sounds like it's safe there.

But Nico knows it shouldn't be that way, he shouldn't be thinking of Jenson the way he does in the middle of the night, when he wakes up to sweat soaked sheets and a damp patch on his boxers. Jenson's someone who's out of his reach, he'd never be able to have him, so he tells himself to settle for what he has already, he'd be happy as long as he's able to see Jenson. When he graduates, going on to university, he tells himself that it's time to forget, because he knows that all he'd ever be to Jenson is just that silly boy who sat at the back of his class and looked up at him with dreamy eyes, nothing more.

 

The alarm clock goes off at seven every weekday morning for Jenson, and by seven thirty he's down at the café near his flat, waiting in the queue. In this world, the barista knows Jenson all too well, and Jenson knows that his name is Nico and he had just graduated from university and has no idea what to do with his life. Jenson jokes that Nico should try out for being a model, and Nico laughs shyly, handing Jenson his usual cup of tea before Jenson even places his order.

Sometimes, when Jenson gets off early from work, he'd head to the café, and Nico'd know exactly what he wants. More coffee and a dessert, sometimes cake, and sometimes, when their pastry chef's tired of making brownies there'd be sticky toffee pudding, and Nico'd always make sure to bring Jenson another helping before he finishes his first plate.

When Jenson sees Nico's face, eyes shining with that sunny smile of his on billboards instead of at the café, there's a strange pang in Jenson's heart, as if he'd lost something that he'd never known that he had.

 

In this world, Nico and Jenson hate each others' guts, they're desperate to outdo one another at anything and everything. They write vicious articles about each other's books, they're bitter and jaded and after years of fighting and hurting and suing one another over stupid reasons they end up drunk in a pub together wondering why they started hating one another in the first place.

 

Nico meets Jenson at the kindergarten every other day. Jenson's a single dad, divorced. Nico's single too, almost. He's stuck in the middle of a very messy divorce and his (soon-to-be) ex-wife wants nothing to do with his son. They don't hit it off at first, not really, there's something about Jenson's grin that makes Nico uneasy, his eyes narrow when Jenson approaches but when it's apparent that their children are friends (Jenson's daughter is adorable, completely unlike Jenson in Nico's opinion and Jenson laughs, scooping her up in his arms, saying it's because she's much better than him and Nico smiles because it's obvious just how much Jenson loves her) everything changes. Somehow they build up a form of friendship that involves Nico going round to Jenson's house from time to time, watching their children play with dolls and toy cars and dinosaurs while they talk about anything and everything under the sun.

It gets to a point when Nico finds that he's so comfortable with this routine that it physically hurts. Almost. He looks at Jenson, who's cooking pasta for them because the children are hungry and apparently, sandwiches for lunch wasn't enough, and there's a pang in his heart when Jenson asks him to get the cheese from the fridge because he gets up and does it automatically. He doesn't really know what this is, all he knows is that he's grown too used to this and that he's going to be screwed if it ends. When Jenson takes the cheese from Nico, the touch of his fingertips against Nico's hand is electric. Nico pulls his hand away immediately, and he wonders.

 

But right here, right now, they're together, and Nico's breath catches when Jenson runs his fingers through his hair, when he cups his cheek, when he kisses him, tender and slow. Jenson presses his lips to Nico's cheek, murmuring 'I love you' and Nico presses closer, mouthing 'me too' on Jenson's skin. They sway to the music, piano and double bass and drums playing from the speakers in Jenson's flat, Nico in Jenson's arms, and Jenson knows that he doesn't ever want to let him go, that this is where they ought to be.

And that is all that matters.

_do you believe in parallel universes? maybe, in that universe, we are together._

_(你相信有平行时空吗？也许在那个平行时空，我们是在一起的。)_

**Author's Note:**

> -this was inspired by the quote from the taiwanese film, 那些年，我们一起追的女孩 (you are the apple of my eye).


End file.
